Why I Could Never Relax
What My 8-year-old Son Taught Me about Control and the State of Relaxation
One day, my wife asked our 8-year-old son, “What’s your definition of being relaxed?” He answered, “When I feel like things are under control.”
That simple response struck me deeply. That simple insight revealed why relaxation so often eludes us, especially as founders. A warm bath, a massage, or lying on a beach doesn’t guarantee relaxation if there’s something in the back of our minds pulling at us—especially when it’s something we can’t control.
For years, this was my life as a founder. Uncertainty felt like a constant companion. Every day brought questions and worries:
Has that investor read my email?
How many new users will this launch bring?
How will this new hire perform?
What metrics will seal the deal with a potential partner?
Will the deal happen at all?
These weren’t just passing concerns; they consumed my thoughts. The uncertainty wasn’t just part of the job—it was the job.
And yet, it meant I never had full control. By my son’s definition, I was never fully relaxed. For years, I carried that tension, unable to switch off. That’s a long time to live without a true sense of calm.
Realising the connection between control and relaxation gave me a new perspective. This realization didn’t magically remove the stress, but it offered a framework to work within. By identifying areas where I could take control and, more importantly, learning to let go of the things I couldn’t, I began to chip away at the mental load.
Letting go hasn’t been easy, but it’s been transformative. It’s a process of reminding myself that not everything needs to be within my grasp, and that’s okay. Learning to release the illusion of control has opened the door to feeling lighter, less anxious, and—little by little—more relaxed. Control and relaxation are deeply intertwined. By focusing on what matters and embracing uncertainty, I’m starting to understand what it means to let go and find peace.